


Frogspawn and Marmalade

by sungabraverday



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Crack-ish, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 14:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungabraverday/pseuds/sungabraverday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Alistair Quartermaster is a brilliant first year, Tanner recruits him, and when the bullies come looking, Eve shuts them up neatly. </p><p>Or: in which the eleven-year-old with the glasses and the wild hair gets a nickname.</p><p>Or: this is why you don't mess with Slytherin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frogspawn and Marmalade

The Deputy Headmaster called "Alistair Quartermaster" to the stool. He was one of the last of them on the stage, eleven years old with knobbly limbs and wild black hair. He put the Sorting Hat on his head calmly, briefed for this moment by a well-meaning mother. It blocked out the waiting audience, and then it was just him and the hat.

"Now, where shall we put you? You'd do well in Ravenclaw, haven't seen someone with your kind of smarts in years. And you've a specific brand of courage that fits Gryffindor nicely. Or perhaps Slytherin? There's a strand of ruthlessness in you that could serve you well, and they could definitely make you great. So what do you think? Are you a Ravenclaw, or a Slytherin?"

The question caught him off-guard. "I'm more than just what I know," he hazarded.

"That's the makings of a true SLYTHERIN!" 

Alistair lifted the hat from his head and replaced it on the stool, making his way down to the green-adorned and loudly cheering table. He filed in with the other first-years, and waited until the Sorting was over. Food appeared in front of them, and Alistair turned to the other first-years, but it was one of the older students who leaned over the table to speak to him first. 

"I told M here that you'd be a Slytherin, just the look in your eyes on that stage. She thought Ravenclaw, but I knew it, and I was right, wasn't I? I'm Tanner, by the way, Bill Tanner." He held out his hand to shake, and Alistair took it.

"Alistair Quartermaster." He blinked twice and added, "I mean, I know they just said that, but names take time to be remembered."

"Right you are. Welcome to Slytherin! I'll talk to you later, Q." Tanner turned toward his friends, an apparently motley group of the cheerful Tanner, a gruff looking boy, a terrifying looking girl Tanner had identified as M, and a pretty younger girl. He filed that information away for further analysis, and turned back to the other first years. They settled into the easy and enthusiastic conversation of people who have just found out that they will spend the next seven years in close quarters with each other and need to establish some common ground fast. 

When the dinner was done, they were all shuffled off to the common room, dark and slightly damp in the dungeons. The password was "cunning competency" and Alistair settled into his new bed in his new dormitory comfortably, excited for what the school year would bring.

* * *

It took two weeks for the entire first year to establish that Alistair was by far the smartest and most talented of the lot. It took a month for it to be fairly well established across the entire school that he was the best in the year.

When it was known amongst the first years, that was one thing. He was happy to help with explanations of what he did to make things work, and while there was certainly some jealousy, no one hated him for it. The fact that he had a much better mental map of the castle helped substantially, as did the fact that he'd happily help the rest of them make it to class on time too. 

When it became established that he could trounce some of the second years though, he started to get into trickier situations. He was shoved at an opportune moment to fall into the trick step on the way to Transfiguration class, and it took two of his friends, Samantha and Cillian, to pull him out. It was the first class he'd been late to, and he was mortified. 

Two days later, an owl landed on his breakfast and left a parcel of frog spawn to ooze out all over his toast and onto his uniform.

It was the pretty girl he'd seen that first day who came to help as he tried desperately to wipe some of the slime off before he had to go to Charms class. She slid into the quickly vacated space beside him, and smiled kindly. "Here, leave it a sec." She picked up a mostly empty marmalade jar and pulled her wand out. " _Tergeo_ ," she said, and siphoned the ooze into the jar.

Looking out across the Great Hall, Alistair saw some of the snickering heads sober up quickly and turn away. He looked back at the girl. "Thanks. I'm Alistair, by the way."

"I'm Eve. And it's no problem really, you never know when some frog spawn can come in handy. But it's nice to meet you just the same, Alistair." She paused. "Although, you really ought to go by Q. Tanner doesn't nickname just anybody."

He frowned slightly, looking for the memory. "Well, um. Thank you, Eve."

She got up with a laugh. "See you around, Q."

He barely managed to scarf down enough food to get through to lunch before running to Charms class, negotiating the twists of the castle with the ease of someone who'd been around much longer.

The following day, a barn owl swooped down at breakfast and dropped a jar of marmalade and frog spawn over a pair of Ravenclaw fourth-years. It shattered and covered them and their friends in the gloopy mixture, leaving them to squawk disgust. Half of the Great Hall burst into laughter. Alistair didn't laugh, smirking instead, and shooting a glance down the table at Eve. 

She was with Tanner and M and the same gruff guy, and she smiled back down the table at him. Tanner gave a little wave of acknowledgement, and M and the boy nodded back. He nodded back with a smile and resumed his toast. 

Cillian elbowed him. "Damn, d'you see that, Alistair? Who d'you think did it? And the professors can't even get mad, like, because they don't know who did it. Fecking brilliant that is."

He shrugged, and lied. "I don't know. But hey, what do you think about the nickname Q? Because Alistair's kind of a mouthful."

Cillian thought for a moment. "Yeah. Q. Like your last name, yeah?" 

"Like my last name."

"Sounds good, Q."

**Author's Note:**

> I have this overwhelming feeling that while Cillian is _supposed_ to sound like he's from the north side of Dublin, he actually sounds like he's from Australia. I'm sorry.
> 
> Also, I am so very sure that Q is a Slytherin. This is probably a your-mileage-may-vary thing, but having seen it, I can't unsee it. 
> 
> This may yet become part of a series, in which James Bond will actually get mentioned by name, and by "may yet" I mean there are more parts of this being drafted right now, for better or for worse. I'm supposed to be writing essays.


End file.
